The Warrior is a Child
by purpleballerynna
Summary: What drives Buffy to face her most certain death?


The Warrior Is A Child

AUTHOR: Miya

E-MAIL: violetsilver@edsamail.com.ph

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Buffy and all that you recognize. _The Warrior is a Child_ is a song that I heard on a special on TV. It was sung by Sandy Patti.

SPOILER: Major mentions of _Bargaining_. 

SUMMARY: Buffy contemplates her feelings as she waits to die. This is a future fic and is not what I usually write because it isn't really B/A. but there are possibilities of it being one I think.

A/N: To my fellow Filipinos, if you watched all those specials about Rico Yan, you might recognize the song. Hehe, deep down I guess, I really liked the guy. It's so sad that he's gone. (Oops, OT)

RATING: PG-13

I have always looked at my death as something not permanent. And hey, I have a reason to think that. I've died twice. Both times I've been brought back. The last time, I even got to heaven. 

Now I'm standing here, in front of another possible death. In fact, I don't think I'm going to fight this fight anymore. I'm just going to let myself lose. 

Want to know the reason? I can't stand life anymore.

Yes I can't stand it anymore. I can't stand being alive when I do not feel alive. I can't stand being relied on. Most of all I can't stand fighting a battle I will never win. I've been fighting since I was 15. And every time I feel I'm finally winning, I lose everything. Frankly, I'm sick of it.

So now, in this particular fight, I will surrender. 

Okay, so maybe now you're asking why I feel that way. One reason. Nobody understands me. Yeah, yeah, it's what every suicidal person says. But this is how I feel. 

Everybody, and I mean everybody, sees me as the strong one. Sees me as a warrior. The one who fights all the battles and will save the fucking world. But I'm not. When I'm alone, when the fights are over, I strip off my armor; all that is left of me are my fears. My pains. My problems.

I look behind at my friends. They have no idea what I'm about to do. Well, they sort of have an idea, but of course they won't even believe it. They just look at me like I'm crazy for even thinking it. 

Their eyes implore me not to go through with my plan. But nothing can make me change my mind. Nothing. No one.  

There's a voice asking me what I was going to do. I turn and see Angel. 

Before this fight, we called his gang here. We needed help. And they came running. If by running I mean not really wanting to go. That's not right, but anyways, they came. And they fought with us. 

"Angel, you know what I'm going to do." I say softly. And it's true; he just wants to delay me.

"Buffy, don't do it. Think of your family, your friends."

"I am thinking about them. And do you know what I think? I think that they don't need me. I think that they don't even know me! And do you know why?"

He shakes his head. That bastard, he knows why.

"Well, let me tell you. Because if they knew me, they'd let me go through with this. They'd allow me to lose this time. They'd let me die because I want to. If they knew me, they'd know that I'm scared of living. That I don't want to be the one who fights. I don't want to be the strong one. And that I'm sick and tired of everything!"

My body starts to shake and sobs rack my body. Angel comes closer.

"I'm sorry Buffy. But you know, there are other ways to deal."

"I don't want those other ways. I want heaven. I want to go back to heaven."

He nods and motions to my friends that they should let me do what I want.

"Angel, please tell them to try to understand. And tell them that I love them and that I'm sorry I had so many problems that along the way they lost track of who I am."

I turn away from him and jump into the fray. I take one last look at my friends. Then, with a clang, I let my sword fall and I walk to my death.

_People say that I'm amazing_

_I never face retreat_

_But they don't see the enemies that lay me at his feet_

_They don't know that I come running home when I fall down_

_They don't know who picks me when no one is around_

_I drop my sword and cry_

_Deep inside this warrior_

_The warrior is a child_

_                     --The Warrior is a Child_


End file.
